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Seems to be one hit right after the other… David is getting a big big pay cut. And while it could have been worse (at least he didn’t get laid off) one has to wonder if this is the beginning of the end of the place he works for…. It’ll be rough reworking the budget to account for going back to what he was making 8 years ago…. especially with prices going up on everything.
We got that word yesterday, then last night got word an uncle has cancer… another uncle with cancer… I have nothing more than that right now. I guess there are tests that have to be run.
I’m just n0t sure how much more my family can take….
I don’t know how much more I can take….
People that really know me and know my life say “You’re such a strong person.” I don’t see it. I see my weakness, I see me wanting to give up… I have given up before. Lots of times… it always makes thing worse though… so I don’t give up, that doesn’t make me a strong person it just makes me too weak to want to make things worse by giving up. I am still paying for the times I have given up before…..
Just would be nice if things went ok….
But it could be worse and I have to keep reminding myself that. I have to hang onto what blessings I do have and have had in my life….
The boy is waiting on snow… I don’t think we’re gonna get much. We’ve had hardly any all winter. The other day made 3 years since he’d lost his father to cancer. It was a rough day for him.
Well best get busy….
Most of y’all who have kept up with me for years know about my girls. Today is my youngest daughter’s 16th birthday. Hard to believe…..I hope her life has been good.
Not a day has gone by I have not thought of you. I think back on the brief time I had you in my life and what a precious wonderful child you were. The sweetness, how you would do you tigger pounce. You were always laughing and smiling, my lil clown princess.
I love you… 
I hope you have a happy birthday.
I’m sorry… I cannot bring myself to use the word “scrummy” (scrumptious and yummy, merged) It just makes me thing crummy…. Nope… not gonna go there.
Which is odd in a way, coming from me, the queen of fantabulous made up words, go figure…
We’re supposed to actually get snow tomorrow… been such an odd winter in we have hardly gotten any. Up to an inch, which as y’all know, that is any where from none to 12 inches rofl.
Been working on the book, and maintenance on the website, gotta get the shop ready to go. Of course getting the shop ready to go means I need to get some stock crocheted up. lol
This morning I was hit hard, I could not stop crying. Anxiety, grief, worry of upcoming events etc… just too much some times. But I had my cry and am OK. Some times ya gotta just embrace the feelings and let them happen and only then can you feel better. It took me a long time to learn that lesson. I stuffed my feelings down inside so much for so long not realizing how I was hurting myself.
Well I still have a ton to do so better boogie oogie oogie on outta here for now…
 Some days just fit the Monday mind frame… This is one Monday that is true to form. The weekend did not seem long enough.
I wish I was all snuggled in a blanket like the cat. lol
Not much going on, nothing blog worthy of course. Anxiety levels have been high but that is pretty understandable with birthdays coming up. The girl’s birthdays are always a source of heartache as I have missed them so much and hated myself for so long because I lost them… this year even more so because Leanna will be 18 and Lora will be 16….
And of course the 17th not only being Leanna’s birthday but will also mark 8 months since Eric and Bryor were murdered and Eric would be turning 22 on the 22nd… so it will be a rough few weeks… as if these things do not hang with me daily… they do. But there are certain days it is worse.
What can I say? Life is so short and in an instant can be over.
Been so tired lately, just want to sleep. but can’t have so much to do…
Still working on the book, formatting and getting all my poetry gathered up and edited. I found several poems that were not named so had to go through and name … I am a dork… who knows if it will even sell but I will put it out there all the same as it is a goal of mine.
Also need to get my angel pattern written up and out to testers so it can be proofed and gotten ready to sell also. Along with the memorial name doilies.
Well best get busy, have a good one…
Man it got cold lol oh yeah… duh it’s winter.
We went and checked out the new BJs that opened up in Gainsville. Not too bad. I don’t think it was as big as the Sams in KY but better than nothing. Won’t be back for stocking up and would be even better if we had more room to store things in this crackerbox of a house. Glad we got there earlier, by the time we were ready to leave it was a madhouse, and the parking lot even worse.
Might get some snow tonight/tomorrow…. we will see. Sure have not gotten much this winter.
OOOOh We found How the West was Won on BLURAY at BJs for 8bucks WOOHOO! I’m tickled, we need to start getting our old movies onto bluray, heck I think we just had this one on VHS.
I have pretty much come to the conclusion that there is no hope for some people whatsoever. They will continue to hold on to hate, or grudges, no matter what moves one may make in the effort to change things. So…. I guess the only thing you can do is move on, without them. Sometimes even if you give someone every chance in the world to work with you and make amends they still do not want to, they would still rather just continue to harbor ill will and hate. Let them wallow in their whatever. They are the only ones they are hurting.
Well I got laundry that needs to get into the dryer….
Have a good one… and DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE!!!!!
 Yeah, I know, you are probably like me and once you read those words that song pops into your head and runs a muck. Or maybe I am just weird and the only one that happens too….
Regardless, it is true. Life really is LIKE a highway. You are in the drivers seat of your life. As you *drive* through life you have to keep yourself moving forward being careful to stay in your own lane, watch the speed limit, signal when turning, and watch out for other drivers.
Most importantly, keep your eyes on the road ahead. We learn through driving that if we do not keep our eyes on where we are going we will veer off of our course and mistakes can come of that for sure. Much the same as in living our lives. We have to keep our eyes focused on our path ahead. if we do not then we can go astray and make mistakes.
The rear view mirror in our car is a useful mechanism in being able to glance back from time to time to monitor the road behind but only a brief glance from time to time. If we keep our focus on the road behind then we can, again, veer off course. If life, the rear view mirror is looking back into our past. Much the same as with driving, it is OK to look back from time to time, briefly. anything more than a brief glance can impede our forward movement.
When I was younger, I made many mistakes in life. Over and over I made mistakes and when I made a mistake, I would run away. I would speed ahead in life trying to put as much distance as possible between myself and the mistakes I had made. But, as I ran ahead, trying to speed away from my mistakes and troubles, i was constantly looking into the rear view mirror, afraid of facing my mistakes, afraid of going forward and stuck looking into that darn rear view mirror. The result? I was going to fast, not paying attention to where I was running too and only focusing on what I was running from and eventually I would find myself lost and making the same mistakes I was running from in the first place. thus, the cycle of mistake, running, looking in the past, getting lost, mistake… well you get the idea. No way to drive down the road OR to live your life.
Finally, I faced up to the situation I was in. I realized I had to pull my life into a rest stop and handle my past. I accepted responsibility for what I had done wrong, looked deep within myself to find the me I wanted to be. I came to terms with myself and my life. then and only then could i get back behind the wheel of my life and get back out on the highway and move forward. You know what? life is much easier to deal with when you keep your eyes on the road ahead. I glance back still, from time to time, but I don’t focus on it. I realize it for what it is, the past. I cannot go back and change anything, the only thing I can do is move forward, much wiser and more careful.
I keep my eyes on the road ahead, I watch my speed, make sure I am not going to fast, or to slow. I look back when I have to briefly, but do so safely in the knowledge that it is the past and I have come to terms with whatever is back there. I also keep an eye out for dangerous people who might run me off my path. I have learned to steer clear of people who bring me down, people who do not want me to move forward. I keep my eyes and my movement always going forward.
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it is slow going, sometimes the road gets very rough and yes, I still make mistakes, but I do my best to correct those things immediately, learn my lesson and move on… always moving forward, never focusing my eyes on that rear view mirror.
Life really is a highway. No matter what kind of car you are in, you are in the drivers seat of your life.
Well our simple little colds have turned into the crud, or the flu… Or maybe even one of those weird sci-fi novel mutant viri like eastwestbirdnilemoldswineflu….. But whatever it is we are all down with it.
Sounds like a tb ward here, not that I know what a tb ward sounds like but hey, I can imagine… And I imagine one would sound like our house right now.
Hubby and the boy made it to dr, I couldn’t get in, they have medicine and are feeling worse. I’m about down, would go to the dr but there’s so many ppl sick you cannot get in, not even urgent care… What a crock….
Some of the boy’s christmas presents came, we got him two bean bags chairs, so now h has a place to sit both in the lving room and his room. Since they were so big he got those early, no way I was wrapping them. I thnk he is happy.
Well trying to get dinner fixed, would rather be cuddled under the blanket but every one else is hungry.
Oh, court…. Next appearence for the murderer is dec 15th for a hearing before the district judge.
Been busy crocheting angel ornaments, which will be the end of me yet lol
Still gotta get the blanket done but it’s getting there.
Trying not to think to much about Christmas. Taking it a day at a time. It hurts so bad. Wed is another court date, not holding out much hope again, I am sure it will be delayed again. Maybe some day the boy’s will get justice.
Had a beautiful sunrise this morning… Gave me pause.
I have changed so much since June….
Well ok, I have to admit I am not into it.
Well, not in the same way I used to be.
I am enjoying the boy’s excitement, and watching the pretty lights on the pretty tree and Christmas music and shows but I don’t have the usual excitement I used to have…. I wonder if it will ever be there again? Although I think I appreciate it more in a “life is short savour every moment” reflective way now.
I have been able to be crafty though…
Making angel ornaments… Which is good.
We have the crud so have all been having a miserable week.
First cold of the season always hits hard and makes me feel like a big baby lol
Tackled, and put a sizeable dent in mt washmore today, which is a good thing. Still have so much other housework to catch up for from when I was so sick but now with the cold I feel as if I will never catch up.
I hate feeling overwhelmed… Oh I know, I will get over it and be fine but you know how it is, when it is in the now it always seems worse…
Well better make sure the ground beef is thawed for dinner… Later
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