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Well ok, I have to admit I am not into it. Well, not in the same way I used to be. I am enjoying the boy’s excitement, and watching the pretty lights on the pretty tree and Christmas music and shows but I don’t have the usual excitement I used to have…. [...] Grief monster has hit hard today… It has been a very rough morning. Quitting smoking sucks…. I hate the holidays…. I dread them…. Penn State rioters need their heads examined seriously. Their head coach and numerous others violated ethics codes and the laws by not reporting the claims of sexual abuse to the police. What [...] Seems that any more my life is so full of pain, whether it be emotional, physical, or financial, it’s pain, pain, pain. Since June I have seen a decline in my overall wellbeing. I am sure it can all be traced back to the stress of grief aggravating my already exsisting fibromyalgia and anxiety ailments [...] When it rains… Why it is when some bad happens that shakes you to your core being everything else seems to go wrong? It’s because our nerves and emotions are in such an uproar that every new bit of stress seems like a major catastrophe. Catastrophe? Did I spell that right? LOL Anyway, grief, or [...] Yesterday would have been my grandson’s 1st birthday. He spent it in heaven with his Daddy. I expected it to be a hard day but did not expect it to be as hard as it was. Some days I wonder how any of us make it through. So many emotions… [...] Something I have learned is people don’t know how to handle YOUR loss. They feel bad for you, sorry for you, and wish to comfort but just don’t know what to say… It’s been four long horrible months now and I have friends who have not talked to me since it happened, or if they [...] I had a post started Monday but it was not a very good day. It marked 4 months since Eric and Bryor were killed and it was hard to handle. I made it through but barely. Right now I am waiting for the dr to call. They said Monday but the bloodwork wasn’t in so [...] The dr says probably a combination of thyroid being off (again) and grief… Took a bucket of blood lol for all kinds of tests even lyme disease and ordered a ct scan. Remember the days when the dr set up all your tests? Yeah… I, who can’t think straight sometimes, have to first call my [...] One of the hardest things in all of this is letting go. If I let them go I feel like I am abandoning them, like I don’t care anymore. I know this is not true, we are not forsaking those lost by letting them go and moving on, I know we will still mourn their [...] I cannot believe it has been that long…. It was Friday June 17th when I got the call from my ex husband. He was crying and uncomprehensible. I finally got out accident, made out Bryor, I had moved outside for better reception and finally it sunk in he was saying Eric and Bryor we killed. [...] |
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